It All Started When Tidus Started Running
by SoaringBallad
Summary: Tidus creates trouble when he starts playing "catch the Blitzball". Firion's mad at Cecil, Bartz's finds out the truth of tonics... through Squall and Zidane, Cloud takes a nap, and the girls are plotting something.


"Hey, hey kupo," screeched a random moogle after almost getting hit by Tidus' blitzball.

"Sorry!" Tidus yelled running past the moogle to catch his ball. The speed of his run made the air around him very forceful, and it knocked the poor moogle out of the sky.

"Tidus, slow down!" shouted Cecil. Tidus' trio of friends were having a hard time catching up with the blitz ace, and Cecil could barely see him anymore. Tidus skidded to a stop and waited for his blitzball to come to him. With a look of glee on his face, he prepared a mighty jump to catch the incoming object. Cloud, seeing as Tidus would throw it again and they would have to play this game for hours, jumped up, his mako filled body could jump higher than even Tidus and he caught the ball with no trouble.

"No fair!" Tidus screeched, sounding similar to the angry moogle from before. A half an hour later, Cecil and Firion caught up to them.

"What took so long?" asked an annoyed Cloud, who's patience wore thin after sitting with a very chatty Tidus.

"Well~" started Cecil, "We ran into a little moogle who almost got hit by a bullet, then a bull, so we helped him out, and he gave us 16000 KP!"

"Then I decided to help him organize his stuff and we got sixty elixirs," Firion said showing them the many yellow-colored vials he carried on his person hidden among the weapons.

"You are going to share, right?" asked Tidus slyly.

"Nope!" Cecil said, "I'm going to give it _all_ to Kain. He's traveling all by his lonesome, and I love him too much to let him get hurt with no supplies to help him."

"Wait— that's not what we agreed on!" Firion said. It was too late. The normally slow Cecil had bagged the elixirs, grabbed Firion and his own KP card, and ran off.

"Get him!" yelled Tidus springing to his feet and taking off in a sprint. Cloud tried to tell him Cecil was the other way, but Tidus was already out of sight. He sighed and turned to Firion but saw him running a different way. Seeing as he had nothing else to do, Cloud laid down on the grass to sleep.

xXx

"Hey Bartz, isn't that Firion?" asked Zidane.

"Yeah, looks like he's running from something…" Bartz said.

"Then what are we waiting for?" asked Squall. The lion, monkey, and mouse ran to Firion.

Let me through!" screamed Firion, face red. He kept up what he called 'running' in his head, as the other three started jogging next to him.

"What's coming?" asked Bartz excitedly.

"I'm going to kill him!" Firion screamed.

"Who!?" asked Zidane.

"That fucking gay, pissy, dumb-shit of a bitch, Cecil!"

"What did Cecil do?" asked Squall, knowing it was probably something stupid.

"He stole my KP card and my elixirs," said Firion angrily.

"You had some elixirs, lucky!" Bartz whined, "All I have is seventy-eighth vials of tonic. A silence followed.

"What's tonic?" asked Squall, "does it cure poison or something?"

"No, it flipping heals you like fifty every time. I'm level one-hundred for god sake! That's not helpful It would take all of those to cure me like half of my HP! I'm so PISSED!" With that Bartz stormed away to find his emo corner—probably wherever Cloud was.

"Um… okay?" Zidane said unsure. "I'll go get him."

"Yeah, sounds like a personal problem, I'm out of here." Squall said walking back to Order's Sanctuary to sit and brood.

xXx

"Kain! There you are!" Cecil ran over to his friend and gave him all the presents he got from the moogle. "This is _all_ for you I'm so worried about you!" Kain stood there in mild shock as Cecil babbled on.

"How did you find me?" asked Kain.

"Well… I had a moogle track you! All I had to do was give him that scale I stole from your creepy fish armor, and he tracked away.

"Cecil, what did you mean by _CREEPY FISH ARMOR_?" Kain was getting angry.

"Oh, you know, the one you wear on our second- wait third- adventure, before you got your holy dragoon armor," he replied casually. Kain's eye twitched, but he decided it wasn't worth it and jumped away.

"KAINNNN!" screamed Cecil, tears already forming in his eyes from Kain leaving. He ran back to his friends, or at least where he thought they were. All he found was a napping chocobo. He had heard from Bartz that you couldn't ride a female chocobos, and figured it was a girl. It looked like a girl at least. There was a trail of water, and he knew Tidus had gone swimming earlier, so he followed it.

xXx

"I can't believe he had elixirs. Whenever I had them I wasted them on people with full HP and low MP… then we'd find a save point and use a cottage. It was a comp- CHOCOBO! It looks like a girl … oh well. Come here sweetie, I won't hurt you." Bartz slowly approached the chocobo, quiet as a mouse. He was close enough so he reached out and started petting his new friend. It moaned, which he had never heard a chocobo do, but she snuggled him contently, so he kept petting her.

"Bartz, there you are! Are you okay?" asked Zidane.

"Why wouldn't I be? Well anyways, look at this pretty girl!"

"Ooh! A chocobo, let's ride her!"

"YOU CAN'T RIDE A FEMALE CHOCOBO!" screamed Bartz, pulling out a stick and beating Zidane with it.

"OW! Bartz that hurts, stop!" Zidane yelled protecting his face from the onslaught.

"Oh gee Zidane, I'm really sorry!" Bartz said pulling out a tonic. He gave it to Zidane. A few minutes passed.

"Boy that stuff tastes funny!" Zidane said giggling.

"Oh, it does?" Bartz said. "I didn't notice… I've been drinking those since I was young."

"Well itz good~, so give me 'nother!" Zidane made grabby motions with his hands. Bartz handed him another, and another until Zidane was on the ground murmuring incoherent things while petting the chocobo.

"That's funny," said Bartz, "I wonder what's wrong with him."

xXx

"Firion!" Cecil yelled happily. "I've been looking all over for you! Where have you been?" No one was there to see Firion's eye twitch. He turned around and smiled evilly.

"Cecil, I've been looking all over for you!" Firion said with a sinister chuckle. "I learned a new trick that I want to show you!"

"Oh really? That's cool! Show me, show me, show me!" screeched Cecil, bouncing up and down excitedly. He thought Firion's tricks were the best.

xXx

"Lightning!" yelled Tifa. She was panting like she was in a hurry, but had a happy look on her face, so it wasn't danger coming.

"Have you seen Laguna?" she asked with a mischievous grin. Lightning was slightly afraid."

"No, why, do you need to talk to that moron?"

"No, but… Squall was looking for him…" Tifa said. Lightning was now very suspicious, because Squall hated his father.

"Tifa, what's going on?" Lightning asked. Tifa dropped the act and got very serious.

"Fine, go look and see. A chaos warrior is here." Lightning took off to vanquish the threat while Tifa laughed her ass off.

xXx

"Hey Yuna, I was thinking about challenging my old man again. I really think I could beat him now, I'm like ten-hundred times stronger." Yuna started to giggle and informed Tidus that Jecht was here in Order's Sanctuary.

"Really? Cool! I'm going to go fight him right now!" Tidus yelled running off to find his father.

xXx

"Here I go," muttered Lightning, standing outside Laguna's door. After hearing things like "Oh god!" and "Faster Jecht!" she didn't want to go in.

"Lightning, have you seen my old man?"

"In there," said Lightning with a snigger. "I'll leave him to you."

"Thanks!" Tidus chirped, ripping open the door without caution. "DAD! I'M HERE TO FIGHT YOU!" he screamed.

"Tidus!" Laguna yelled pulling up the blanket.

"Oh Cosmos!" Tidus was out of the door, and away from Order's Sanctuary in the blink of an eye.

xXx

"And I was all like, yeah, and then he said to me that he wanted to eat my moogle friend Nono, so I was all like, get away from me, and then he said he was going to eat me instead, and I was all like Ahh!" screamed Vaan, rambling on and on to Kain, whom had landed nearby.

"Van, just shut up!" said Kain, exasperated. For the past hour, he had been stuck with this boy. Every time he tried to jump away, Van would grab his arm telling him not to leave.

"Nope, not until you get my name right," he replied cheekily. Kain was beyond pissed, and raised his spear to strike the unfortunate soul.

"Hey Vaan, there you are, I've been looking for you, and I just wanted to let you know, that guy with you is SUPER AWESOME!"

"Why don't you calm down Onion," said Vaan.

"Vaan's your name, and I'm leaving." Kain jumped away from the surprised Vaan.

"Wait, Kain!"

xXx

"So, what's this new trick you've been telling me about?" Cecil was eager to see.

"First I need a volunteer," Firion said through grit teeth.

"Ooh! Me!" yelled Cecil running over to stand next to Firion.

"Now stand here," Firion said turning around. Cecil saw him take his axe out of his pouch, but wasn't alarmed.

"Are you almost done?" asked Cecil, trying not to whine like a small child.

"Yes." Firion turned around. His axe had been tied to the whip he owned. He swung the whip down, directed toward Cecil, who screamed and started running.

"This is for running off with my goods!" screamed Firion who was very protective of his stuff.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" cried Cecil who was only a little faster than Firion, and barely dodging the whip.

xXx

"Hey Zidane, are you okay?" asked Bartz.

"Yu *hic* mmm purfely good," slurred Zidane, holding a vile of the clear tonic.

"What are you two idiots up to now?" asked Squall.

"Nothing!" instinctively yelled Bartz.

"Yuh! Werr not doin' nuthin'!" Zidane said.

"What did you do to Zidane, and where did you find the chocobo… I haven't been chocobo riding forever." Squall said getting a look of nostalgia in his eyes. "Do you think we could take her for a ride?" Bartz saw red and Squall didn't know what hit him.

xXx

"So girls, what do you want to do this find evening?" asked Tifa.

"Hm. I was thinking it would be fun too," Terra whispered the rest of her sentence to the other girls.

"Ooh! Cloud did that once," said Tifa sniggering.

"Fun, fun!" Yuna said evilly.

"I'm in," Lightning said happily. She had an evil smirk that screamed revenge.

xXx

"So Vaan, I saw Laguna and Jecht go into the formers room, and they did some things!" giggled Onion.

"OMG! No way, that's so funny!" Vaan said. "How's about we go find-"

"Hi guys!" Tidus yelled.

"Tidus!" Onion said. "Hi, did you know your dad-"

"EWWW!" Tidus screeched. "Don't remind me!"

"Why, it's not that bad, they just had sex," Vaan said shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly.

"You don't think that's gross?" asked Tidus with shocked disbelief.

"No," Vaan said. "I'm in a relationship with a guy-"

"That's not what I'm talking about! IT'S MY FUCKING FATHER!" Tidus screamed.

"Yeah, that would be kind of weird I guess." Vaan said as he thought of his family.

"Guys, the girls are plotting, so let's go eavesdrop!" Onion said pointing at the girls gathered around gabbing and giggling.

"Perfect!" giggled Vaan. Since Tidus had nothing better to do, he joined them.

xXx

"Someone help me!" screamed Cecil, who was exhausted from his twenty minute sprint.

"No! You must be punished for your sins!" Firion yelled, brining the axewhip down. Cecil remember the chocobo from earlier, and knew it would protect him, or let him ride her, or _something_ to get away from Firion. The blur of yellow was approaching and Cecil willed his tired, aching legs to go a bit further. He saw Bartz, Squall, and Zidane next to the bird. The latter two were on the ground giggling like drunken fools.

xXx

_A little earlier_

_ "Oh Cosmos, Squall! I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean too! Oh Cosmos, here take a tonic, it'll make everything feel better," Bartz was on the verge of a panic attack. Who wouldn't be after beating up their friends, though?_

_ "Thanks," Squall said taking the tonic, which burned his throat as it went down. At least it didn't taste like potions._

_ "So, are you feeling better?" Bartz asked, hands hovering over his pouch, eager to make it up to his friend._

_ "Yeah, but I kind of want another one of those," Squall said, tounge looser than normal._

_ "Uh… okay," Bartz said. He didn't understand why everyone liked the tonics so much. They were kind of bland to him._

xXx

"Bartz!" Cecil yelled taking cover behind him. Luckily Bartz summoned a shield fast enough to block them from the incoming attack of the axewhip.

"Firion, calm down! I think you've already got your revenge. Now help me figure out what's wrong with these two!" Bartz gestured to Squall and Zidane.

"Pony! Pony, pony!" squealed Zidane, over and over again.

"It seems like they are drunk," replied Firion, momentarily forgetting his fued with Cecil.

"But how!" _All I _gave them was tonic!"

"What's in this, so called tonic?" asked Firion, snatching a vial of the tonic. He pulled the cork out, and sniffed the clear liquid. "Bartz, this is moonshine."

"Huh? What's moonshine?" asked Bartz. Cecil giggled at the drunken men, and started petting Zidane's head, muttering 'Ceodore'. Squall got jealous of the attention Zidane was getting and butted his head against Cecil's hand like a cat.

"Moonshine is a drink with pure alcohol content. One shot of it can get you drunker than moogle pee mixed with Tequilla!"

Cecil stopped the stroking of his loving pets and looked up. "Why would you mix Tequilla with _moogle pee_?"

"It actually turns out pretty good, and who knew moogle pee was eighty-nine percent alcohol. I remember the good old days, when my friends and I would get drunk every single day…" Firion trailed off.

"Okay, but how do we fix them?" Bartz asked gesturing to the flailing boys on the ground who were seeing who could 'swim' faster.

"Well all they need is a little rest, and the headache they get from being hungover will prevent them from doing it again!" Cecil said nodding his head.

"Bartz, do you drink those a lot?" asked Firion.

"Yup! I've drank them ever since I was six and fell off my bike; I scrapped my knee, it hurt a lot, but my mother gave me one of those and I felt better than ever! Everyone takes them for small injuries."

"So you must have been bred with very high alcohol tolerance," Firion muttered, "lucky bastard."

xXx

"Okay, we've got them," Lightning said with glee, revealing she and Tifa had bagged Zidane , Squall, and Cloud from under Firion, Bartz, and Cecil's noses. The girls had joined up with Vaan, Tidus, and Onion to carry out their 'evil' plan.

"Where did you find Cloud?" asked Terra. Like the others, she did not recognize the sleeping female chocobo as Cloud. Tifa did only because hse is his childhood friend and made that mistake more than a dozen times.

"I've got the dresses!" Tidus exclaimed with glee. "We're going to turn these three into the most beautiful crossdressers."

"Yup! Onion and I fetched all the make-up we'll need." Vaan said.

"Yuna and I got some hair extentions and other things we'll need to fix up their hair!" Terra squealed happily.

"Then let's get this thing started!" Tifa said. They began to prettify the sleeping boys.

xXx

The next morning.

"Lightning, is Cloud in his spot?" asked Tifa.

"Yes, Tidus, is Zidane set?"

"Of course, and Tifa, is Squall placed?"

"Yes… hehe."

"Then all that's left to do is wait."

xXx

"So they'll seriously be back to normal?" Bartz asked Cecil again.

"Yes! For the hundredth time they'll be back to normal!" Cecil exclaimed.

"Okay, I'm going to go wake them up…" Bartz said heading to the sleeping boys. "Hey kids, it's time to wake up." Squall stirred, and Bartz got a glance of… a dress? He pulled down the blanket to see that they both were in fact dressed up like girls. He giggled. "So that's what Tidus meant when he said he dressed them up…"

"Bartz?" asked Zidane groggily.

"Zidane!" he squealed hugging him.

"Bartz, Zidane, god my head hurts," Squall said sitting up. He glanced over and saw Zidane, then glanced down at himself.

"Squall?" Zidane burst out laughing, then when Squall pointed at him, he looked down and gasped horrified at himself.

"Just because you dress like a girl, doesn't mean we want to too," Squall said looking at Bartz with all seriousness.

"It was Ti- Hey! I don't dress like a girl!"

"Dude, you're wearing a skirt and leggings!" said Zidane.

"But! But!"

"You dress like a girl."

"Well it was Tidus' idea! I actually had no part in it!"

"Well then, let's go pay Tidus a visit."

xXx

"Uh oh," Tidus said, spotting the lion, monkey, and mouse. "Gotta run!"

"Tidus wait!" yelled Cecil.

"Geez he runs fast!" Firion said.

"We better go get him before he brings more trouble." Cloud said. No one had commented on his dress, and he didn't even realize he was wearing one.

"We'll catch up, you go on ahead Cloud," said Firion, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep a straight face much longer.

"All right." As soon as Cloud was a good way ahead of them, Cecil and Firion started laughing. And that is how an adventure ended, and another one started.


End file.
